nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
