you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
