I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
