How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
