my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think i have two assholes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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