I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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