Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
