my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
