Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
