Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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