what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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