cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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