I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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