i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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