then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
