What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
