i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
