Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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