We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
