just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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