I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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