my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
