i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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