I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
