Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
