I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
