that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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