I have demons in me.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
