you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
