Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
