Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
