is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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