its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
