lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who died my cat blue again?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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