I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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