well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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