I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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