Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
