well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
