dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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