I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
