Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
