If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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