I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
