i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
