I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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