Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
