Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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