I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
