i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
