I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
